2003-01-12 - 4:05 a.m.
Recently I came up with a plan to make me feel much better about my life, or at least one aspect of it: To get from point A to point B. Point A: Graduation (or, God forbid, non-graduation termination). Point B: Something worth doing.
Before mentioning the plan, I should note this formulation may appear murky. It is. It starts with an event and ends a situation, and a terribly vague one at that. So, to reconceptualize, point A is here, Sarasota, and point B is there, and there is Maryland. Thinking it out, I decided that I'm going to apply for a range of graduate schools, but especially in the D.C./ Maryland area, and unless I get a compelling offer elsewhere I'm going to pick up and move there. There I have a few friends, to varying degrees, including a former roommate in law school; I know the area enough to find my way around long enough to get established (six weeks of local knowledge); it's relatively affordable; and I know I would like it.
Of course, there's the possibility I'm just wallowing in nostalgia and seeing a greener pasture in the future--and one not contingent on success in the present--to avoid dealing with the here and now. Perhaps. Curiously, a friend of mine here at new college told me the other day that she turns everything in on time because she know's college is the only thing in her life that's remotely worth doing--or something convoluted like that--but it was odd.
Procrastination is far more psychologically complex than I ever gave it credit for. You can procrastinate on taking out the garbage and you can procrastinate on your life. Yet of all the interesting points made by the latest popular psychology self-help book I'm reading is the concept of contingency worth. Example: On June 5, 2002, I wrote:
My life is characterized by cycles of recovery and collapse. This would be the appropriate moment to reflect on the number of times I have moved from periods of happiness to periods of despair in my life, or vice-versa, sometimes gradually, sometimes rapidly.
The book says:
People who fall into the contingency worth trap think their worth and some select performances are the same. Because of this one-way style of thinking, they place themselves on a seasaw. Do well, and you are up. Do poorly, and you are down. With this mindset, their sense of worth bounces between extremes.
Interesting stuff. Of course, there is the utter futility of reading a book that says the best solution to procrastination is "do it now!" because then there are two options: Keep reading, or go do it. It is making it rather difficult to finish the book.
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PS. I think this is a mistake, but apparently I wrote this entry with only one spelling error and no typos. How bizzare. Maybe there's something to this new drug afterall.
